(Continued from part 2)
The search to fill this ache in my heart continued. If I’m honest, I got frustrated and annoyed because I had this feeling that I needed to go somewhere but I didn’t know where and I didn’t know how I’d get there. In my frustration, this past January, I Googled ‘Catholic volunteer trips’ and FMC came up. I had heard about them a couple years back and pushed them out of my mind, but when I saw that they were going to Kolkata, India in May 2018…my heart jumped a little inside. Kolkata is where Mother Teresa formed her order of sisters, Missionaries of Charity, and I’m a little low-key obsessed with Mama T. So. I signed up. I thought to myself ‘Okay, Colleen. Who knows what’s going to happen on this trip, but you’ve got to go and find out.” A few weeks after my trip to India I wrote this reflection and I think it’s fit to share. But first, I want to share this scripture that I prayed with earlier this week, They are happy who dwell in your house, forever singing your praise. They are happy, whose strength is in you, in whose hearts are the roads to Zion. -Psalm 84: 4-5 - - - - - ‘Tell me about India; what was that like?! It was like seeing my dreams turn into reality. It was like watching my heart outside of my body - actually seeing my heart outside of my body. That if my heart had faces, they would be the faces of the people who slept outside of where we were staying, the man who set up his barber tools beside a pile of cement so his customers had somewhere to sit while he shaved their face, the girl who wouldn’t eat her food at the children’s home, the woman who laid out a tarp for us to sit on in her sidewalk home. If my heart had an atmosphere it would be wildly colorful. Various hues of teal, purple, red and pink would paint the buildings and homes in my untamable heart. It would be dirty, and have areas that smelled like the wrong end of a dog, while simultaneously containing some of the most peaceful, quiet and beautiful places I have ever seen. If my heart had to choose which mode of transportation it would be to get itself from point A to point B, it would be a bus. Not always knowing its end destination, I hop on, knowing that I can trust that the bus knows where it’s going (and praying that the driver tells me when to get off). Or, my heart would be a rickshaw where I’m holding on for dear life, not knowing if I’ll survive the trek but laughing and loving it all the while. Or perhaps a train; where the lives of the poor flash before me for just an instant and I’m brought to a life-altering halt. If my heart was a schedule, it would wake up early - before the noise of the day - and walk. It would sit in silence before its beloved; its savior. It would sing His praises and consume Him before doing anything else. It would eat breakfast (and a hearty one too) and then work with its hands and build relationships. It would rest and take a nap. It would go for a run. It would go on an adventure. It would go and meet people on the streets. It would go back and lay everything before the Eucharist at the end of a long, sweaty, wonderful day. It would make dinner, eat and then sit around a dinner table for hours - laughing and talking and getting to know the other hearts that have joined it. It would play games, the guitar and eat dessert. It would shower, read and go to bed by 9 (yes...9 is my ideal bedtime (heart eye emoji)). This was India. So. Apparently, I’ve found my heart. Or a piece of it at least. And my heart can live outside of my body. Who knew?’ - - - - - After I wrote that it hit me that I could no longer deny my desire for this work in my life. It’s as if I had been shown what my heart truly desired on a silver platter - why wouldn’t I take it? For some reason, Jesus has given this gift to me and I am in awe. Friends, let us pray today that we may be open to all the gifts Jesus has for us - all of the gifts that He wants to give us. Whether they be big or small, let us be open and ready to receive them. Let us know, let us press on to know the Lord; His appearing is as sure as the dawn; He will come to us like the showers, Like the spring rains that water the earth. -Hosea 6: 3
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
hey.my moto is summarized best by these words:
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” -Brene Brown thanks Brene. you're quite the gal. Past Musings
July 2020
|