There’s this thought that circulates in our culture that the goal of life is to make things easy. That a successful job is one where you sit up in a large office and oversee other people who are working hard while you sit back and relax. One can see where this thought might make sense - that if I have an easier life my life is “better” and therefore, I’m happier. I have found the exact opposite to be true. Today I move to Asia. Having to say good bye to my family and dearest friends, moving to the middle of nowhere America for 4 months, and packing and re-packing for the past 6 months like it’s my job (which I guess in some sense it is) has been hard. But its also already brought about some of the most rewarding experiences of my life. On November 5, 2017 I ran a marathon. If you had told Freshman-in-high-school Colleen that she would quit the tennis team to join the cross country team and that she would be running a marathon 10 years later I would have said, ‘no, no, no, no, no.” But I did it. And it was one of the best days of my life. I mean…when you have one million people cheering you on in life it’s hard not to smile…even if your whole body is revolting against you. When I trained for the marathon, each week I was running more than I had ever ran before. When it was time for my 20 mile training run, I was wary of whether or not I’d be able to finish it. But then I started and it just sort of happened. Was it hard? Of course. But I wouldn’t trade that marathon day for anything. So, if it takes some hard prep-work, so be it. After that day I had it in my mind that I wanted to run 50 marathons before I was 50. I calculated that if I ran about 2 marathons a year I could reach my goal. And then I realized that there was something missing in my life; that my desire to live with and serve the poor was stronger than my desire to run circles around Manhattan. Unknowingly, I signed up for the longest marathon there is…(insert word here that I can’t use because I’m in Asia…but it looks like @i$$ion$). There’s this crucifix in the chapel where I’m located and Jesus looks really human. And I love it. It’s also extremely hard to look at. It shows us the hard things that Jesus went through for us. But, I don’t think the hardest thing was him being crucified. He knew that was coming (not that it made it any easier…) but His brutal, ugly, beating and death wasn’t the hardest thing He went through. It was the rejection He received from the ones He loved the most. That was the hardest thing for Him. There were 3 people that loved Him at the foot of His cross. THREE. Out of the thousands of people that he healed and performed miracles in front of, and the hundreds of people that he taught in the temple in His hometown, there were only 3 of them who stuck with Him until the end. {2 of them were women - so, to all y’alls out there who say that God doesn’t have a place for women in The Church, I strongly beg to differ.} The rest of the people who were there hated Him. And, if we back up, the hardest part of Jesus’ life wasn’t carrying his cross to Calvary. That was about a 24 hour period. I’m not saying it wasn’t hard, but what about when His disciples rejected Him? When Judas kissed Him and turned Him over? When He performed healings and taught in various cities and people literally ran Him out of town to kill Him? What about when Jesus was rejected by the rich man who walked away from his own salvation? What about when Peter - one of Jesus’ best friends - rejected even knowing Jesus, not once, but three times? If my closet friends denied even knowing me I would be crushed. It was in these moments that I like to think Jesus looked up to Heaven and quietly said to Himself - I can do hard things. I can be rejected, ridiculed, misunderstood, be an inch away from my life ending, and even being killed. I can live through these hard things, because one day it will all make sense. One day, all will be seen and Heaven will be my Paradise. If we say no to the things in life that are only kind of hard - we’re not going to be able to say yes to the things that are necessary but really hard. If I spend all day on Facebook - or heck, even an hour - and I can’t say “no” to Facebook, then I’m saying no to developing deeper in-person relationships with those around me and building vulnerability in my life (aka…a necessity to be human). When I’m tempted to stay on Facebook too long I literally say out loud to myself “I can do hard things.” Because it takes a real effort to close my laptop or shut off my phone. When I don’t want to get out of bed in the morning I tell myself I can do hard things. In deciding to spend a half hour praying instead of watching Netflix I tell myself I can do hard things. When I was packing yesterday to move across the world and I was stressed out at the whole “my bag has to be 50 pounds” thing, I told myself that I can do hard things. Jesus could have stopped. Jesus could have seen His cross and not carried it. He was fully human and had free will. But, He was also fully God and He willingly said yes to carrying His cross. And, He didn’t just say yes on that day. He said yes to all the little hard things like deciding to teach people the hard stuff when He knew they would reject Him. He said yes when people asked for miracles and He was tired. He said yes. Before Abraham was Abraham, (literally God gave him a new name), he was Abram. And God told him “Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great.” (Genesis 15:1). The Good News when we follow Christ is that He’s already won. He’s already done the hard stuff and does it with us so that we’re never alone. I read this scripture the other day and I felt Jesus saying to me - “Colleen, I am your shield. Trust me.” Because we don’t just do hard things for the sake of doing hard things. Or, at least I don’t. Left to my own devices I would watch Netflix all day and scroll Facebook. But, when I do hard things, I’m trusting that there is more to life than what is before me. I am trusting that Jesus is waiting in His Kingdom for me and I want to be there. So, whatever hard things come, I’ll take it. Because it’s worth the goal of Heaven. I can do hard things. The crucifix in our chapel
4 Comments
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hey.my moto is summarized best by these words:
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” -Brene Brown thanks Brene. you're quite the gal. Past Musings
July 2020
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