“As he went, the people pressed round him And a woman who had had a flow of blood for twelve years and had spent all her living upon physicians and could not be healed by any one, came up behind him, and touched the fringe of his garment; and immediately her flow of blood ceased. And Jesus said, “Who was it that touched me?” When all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the multitudes surround you and press upon you!” But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; for I perceive that power has gone forth from me.” And when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling, and falling down before him declared in the presence of all the people why she had touched him, and how she had been immediately healed. And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.” - Luke 8:42-48
Background on this: Women who were hemorrhaging for any amount of time, were not touched by people. Back in the day of Jesus, and among some religions today, If a woman who was hemorrhaging (or on their period), touched you, you were then considered unclean. And the same was true if you touched a woman who was bleeding; you were considered unclean. You would have to go through a cleansing ritual to become clean again, and essentially you couldn’t do much if you were unclean. So, here’s this woman’s perspective: She hadn’t touched any human in 12 years, without fear of making them unclean. And other people hadn’t touched her without the fear of becoming unclean. Can you imagine? In prayer today I sat there searching the scriptures for this passage, because I really felt my soul needed to hear it. And of all things, these are the words that struck me: “Who was it that touched me?” (A question that always seemed to strike me as condemning) and: “when the woman saw that she was not hidden” Alright. So that first one. It has struck me as a condemning question, because I’ve read it in this ‘angry Jesus’ voice. But today, it was different. Today, Jesus spoke those words to me with a tenderness that I haven’t let myself hear before. But then I was like, “Okay. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. Jesus, why the heck would you even ask that question? I mean, come on, you’re GOD. Of course you know who touched you.” Then, I kept reading. “…the woman saw that she was not hidden” And I felt Jesus speak into my heart and say “Colleen, come out of hiding.” I closed my eyes and I transported myself into that crowd of people in the story. I became the woman who had, for so long, just sat there praying and waiting to be healed. Jesus didn’t want to force His healing on me, He simply wanted to look upon the face of the one whom He had healed. And He wanted me to choose to step out, look at Him, and give Him glory for what He’s done. Perfectionism. I have been sitting on crowded streets with my perfectionism for a long time. As Brene Brown says, “I’m a recovering perfectionist and an aspiring ‘good-enough-ist’”. As I sat in prayer I realized that Jesus wants to heal me from that. It might not be a one time deal, (in fact for now, I know that it’s not), but I know that He wants to heal me. Of course Jesus knew who touched Him. Of course He could have kept walking and not missed a beat. But in His sheer Goodness, He wanted this woman to choose Him. He wanted her to see Him, to look at Him and see His love for her. But He wasn’t going to force her to step out of the crowd - I mean, put yourself in her shoes. This woman is risking everything in stepping out and admitting that she touched Him. Literally, she could have been stoned to death for touching Him. So, no, He didn’t want to force her, He simply wanted to give her a chance to trust Him, step out of the crowd, and give Him a chance to look at her and truly gaze upon her with love. Have you ever loved someone so much that you look at them in this certain way and you catch them looking at you in that same way? Have you ever witnessed it between two other people? Jesus looks at us with that same gaze of sheer in-love-ness that we see in the rom-coms and that we hope that one day we’ll find (if we haven’t already yet). The thing is, is that He can look at me all He wants to (and He is…always looking at us with His love), but if I’m not looking back at Him, I’m never going to experience that complete and total, desperately-in-love kind of look that He’s giving. So, yea, He knew who touched Him. But, He wanted her to step out of hiding so He could show her His love for her. She risked her life, so I can only imagine her fear, but she had so much DANG COURAGE. Man oh man. Props to you, woman who wasn’t named in the bible. Silly Peter didn’t even catch Jesus’ drift…and he was named. Oh Peter. Thank you for being silly, so I can be assured of Jesus’ love even when I’m silly. Instead of a condemning voice, or one of accusation, Christ spoke with His tender love to my soul and said: “Colleen, won’t you let me look at you?” I have no way to nicely wrap this up and tie it with a bow. Other than, perfectionism has no place in the Kingdom of God, and if we’re to be living in the Kingdom now (which yes, before we die and hopefully go to Heaven, we are to be bringing about and living in the Kingdom), then, let’s just cast that devil into Hell and let it rot there. Not today, Satan. Not today. ps. Update on my *ission and what God is doing is soon to come to your email inbox if you gave me your email to receive updates. Put a comment, or contact me (text, FB, email) if you want to be added to those updates and haven't been receiving them. pps. The short version of what God's doing is that I'll be going to live where Mother Teresa lived. Yes, it feels surreal. ppps. Sorry, no pictures this time, because life is short and I'm gonna go run instead of uploading pictures. But I'll send some in that email ;)
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hey.my moto is summarized best by these words:
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” -Brene Brown thanks Brene. you're quite the gal. Past Musings
July 2020
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