The lingering question from before is: Can I trust Him, and trust that life can still be good (dare I say, great) if I step away from an already existing good thing?
“We are afraid of losing what we have, whether it's our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand.” Page 93 The Alchemist. A fantastic, short read. At one point in the book, as the main character journeys towards his final destination, he winds up in a town he never expected and has to stay there for 2 years because of unforeseen circumstances (yes, I’m trying to be vague so you go read it). In this town, he falls in love and gets to a point where he doesn’t want to travel on to his original destination that brought him to the town in the first place. HIs mentor urges him to continue on his journey - telling him that if he stays, he will enjoy his life for a while, but that he will reach a point in life where he will have wished he would have continued on because his life doesn’t feel as complete as it could. (I can’t find the exact quote online that I originally wanted…all the more incentive to read this book…but here’s a great quote regarding the same subject): “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.” Page 130 mic. drop. I relate to this main character in many ways. Here, in this new place, he found someone he loved. He could see himself staying with her and being happy, yet, there was an even deeper desire in his heart. It was easier for him to stay where he knew there was happiness than journey into the unknown. He didn’t know what the treasure was that he searched for, but if he stayed he would never find out. It was really quite hard for me to leave the life I had in New York. And, similar to the main character in The Alchemist, I had the desire to stay. I had friends, a good job, fantastic roommates, a home in the city that never sleeps. So, yes. I could have stayed. But, I knew that ultimately, staying wasn’t going to bring me what I was seeking. If I’m honest, I wasn’t sure what I was seeking until I found it. I had this ache in my heart to do something more, but I didn’t know what that looked like. I thought it meant I wanted to give back more, so for half a year I tutored on Saturdays and played sports with adults who had disabilities. But that didn’t quite fill the ache. Then, I thought that this ache to do something ‘more’ (whatever that meant) was because I didn’t have a creative outlet in my job. So, I started doing more creative things with my friends. I acted in plays, sang in shows, and played music with my roommates. I had an i n c r e d i b l e time doing these things, but the ache still remained. Other things and conversations happened (those will probs come up later), but ultimately I started praying. I started praying that Jesus would show me what it was that I was longing for; what it was that I searched for. I had exhausted my own ability to fill this longing in my heart, so I turned to the person who created it. "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” - Luke 11:9 Classic scripture verse…am I right? But it’s also so applicable. To be continued…because I like to write and details are important ;)
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hey.my moto is summarized best by these words:
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” -Brene Brown thanks Brene. you're quite the gal. Past Musings
July 2020
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